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Relationship Red Flags

The following are possible warning signs in a relationship. They are not necessarily bad, but rather a signal to investigate further for underlying problems not previously recognized. Being alert for these signs will help prevent unwise, rose-colored glasses decisions. Love is important, of course, but it isn't enough to form the basis of a healthy relationship.  A good relationship is good for you both, a useful partnership.  Keep in mind that there may be perfectly good explanations or extenuating circumstances for any of those, so interpret them in context.  If any of these apply to you, you might want to consider these as possible goals for personal growth and change.

Smells like liquor, drugs or tobacco Is frequently melancholy or down
Has a white ring around finger Does not let you call him/her at work
Does not let you see his/her home Is wishy-washy and noncommittal
Lets you do all the talking Lets you make all plans and decisions
Is self absorbed - talks only of self Interrupts frequently
Gets attached (falls in love) quickly Is flighty or bubble-headed
Acts lazy or irresponsible Runs hot and cold, moody
Has been divorced (esp. more than once) Exhibits very little emotion
Shows emotional extremes Is uncomfortable with emotions
Critical of self and/or others Is rude to others
Stingy, selfish or greedy Does not want to help with simple chores
Dresses like a slob Overly concerned with appearance
Poor personal hygiene Low motivation - unclear goals
Blames others for problems Complains frequently
Is sexist, bigoted or judgmental Disregards rules, laws or etiquette
Does not like children Acts like a child
Is disrespectful or abusive Does not have reliable or visible  income
Does not have reliable transportation Is a bad, aggressive or reckless driver
Lives with parents (other than temporary) Does not give or share readily
Overly shy or inexperienced Many sexual partners and relationships
Is a sore loser Doesn't follow through
Lies, cheats or manipulates Secretive, suspicious, defensive
Jealous or possessive Controlling or demanding
Insecure, guilt prone, lacks confidence Family members show any of these signs

 

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Robert F. Sarmiento, Ph.D © 2003.  All rights reserved.

 

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