Healthy
Relationships
What is a healthy
relationship?
There are healthy and
unhealthy relationships, not in the sense of pathology or
abnormality, but in terms of how satisfying and fulfilling
they are. In those terms, healthy relationships are based on
reality, not fantasy. When it comes to relationships, many of
us buy into overly romanticized fantasies of love. You know,
the living happily ever after thing. The problem is there are
no Cinderellas or Prince Charmings, just us human beings.
Sooner or later the illusion will shatter and it is a long
fall from the pedestal. The alternative is a relationship
based on mutual and reciprocal advantage, like a business
deal. The reality is that we love people who do things for
us.
That doesn't sound very
romantic!
Ah, but actually it is. When
you see relationships as a business deal, it becomes clear
that communication and negotiation are needed to keep the
deal working. Do you know what the everyday word for
negotiation is in relationships? Its courtship! In healthy
relationships, there is an ongoing or periodic re-courting.
That's very romantic! One way to think about this is to ask
yourself how you would act if you just met your current
partner and were attracted but had no history together.
Probably pretty differently. Try it. I think you will like
the results!
What if I don't have a
relationship now?
You might want to look at what
is keeping you from having a nice love relationship. Often we
are our own worst enemies. Are you shy? Are you afraid of
rejection? Commitment? Are you desperate because you believe
you need love? Are you jealous and possessive? Are you
procrastinating about social activities? Is there a lot of
guilt, anger and frustration for you in relationships?
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