Stress
Management
Everyone experiences stress from time to
time, so it is perfectly normal. However, normal doesn't
necessarily mean healthy. Nor is it inevitable! Believe it or
not, you can learn how to largely eliminate stress. I don't
mean eliminate the pressures in your life - those will
probably persist. The way I think of it, pressure is what is
happening to you, but stress is how you react to those
pressures. So, you can keep the pressure and get rid of the
stress.
A good example of this comes from the study
of stress in executives. Several studies have shown that low
and middle level executives show many stress symptoms, like
ulcers, high blood pressure, tension, burnout and so on. Top
executives, however, as a group show much fewer stress signs.
There are exceptions in both directions, of course. Why do
big wigs show fewer signs of stress? There may be many
reasons, like more control over their lives, but it is hard
to believe they don't have pressures. So why don't they get
as stressed out? Probably the main reason is that they are
either naturally stress resistant or have learned how to
handle the pressure without letting it eat them up. It's like
the old saying, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the
kitchen".
Fortunately, stress management is largely a
learnable skill. Most people can learn how to take the heat
in their lives. Before we talk about how, let's consider what
stress is in more detail. The way I think of it, stress is a
"false alarm". What I mean is that it is the erroneous
activation of the "danger alarm" system of the brain. I
visualize it as a big red fire alarm inside the head. This is
a system we are all born with and it is a good thing to have.
However, the biological purpose of this system is to help
prepare us for dealing with real, physical danger. When the
danger alarm is turned on, it produces a physiological
response called the "fight or flight" reaction, which helps
us to fight the danger or flee it.
When you are in real, immediate physical
danger, it is appropriate to feel afraid. Getting your body
charged up with adrenaline may well help to keep you alive.
However, most of the time when we feel stressed, there is no
immediate danger, so it is a false alarm. The fire alarm is
sounding, but there is no fire!
So how do you learn how to manage stress?
There are basically two main ways:
- Learn how to turn off the alarm system
through various relaxation methods.
- Learn how to not turn it on
inadvertently in the first place.
Relaxation methods work on the idea that
you can't be relaxed and uptight at the same time. Basically,
anything you do that is the opposite of what the danger alarm
system does will tend to shut it off. Some examples include:
- Deep breathing - taking deep, slow
breaths rather than the shallow, fast breathing we feel
when we are stressed. This really works physiologically to
help shut off the danger alarm.
- Muscular relaxation - tensing and
relaxing various muscle groups can work wonders. Try your
neck and shoulders, your shoulder blades, your forehead and
eyes, tensing these groups for a few seconds, then relaxing
them. You can also combine this with deep breathing by
inhaling while you tense, then exhaling when you relax the
muscles. There are more sophisticated versions of these
muscular methods, like the shower of relaxation and
progressive relaxation.
- Visualization - imagine a very peaceful
scene, like laying on the beach, out in a fishing boat on a
lake, in a mountain cabin or whatever. It can be a real
place or you can make it up. Try to invoke all your senses
as you imagine being in this very peaceful, relaxing place.
What do you see? What sounds are there? What sensations of
touch, temperature or smell? For example, you might imagine
the sun on your skin, the cool breeze on your forehead, the
salt tang of the ocean, the grit of the sand.
Try all these methods and see which works
better for you. Some people do better with muscular methods,
others with visualization. All these can be learned quite
readily and often work very well.
In the long run, however, it is better to
learn how to avoid getting stressed out in the first place.
So how do you do that? Well, the clue is in the visualization
method. Thinking peaceful thoughts makes you feel relaxed. In
imagining a peaceful place, you have also distracted yourself
from whatever thoughts you were having before. This points
out the basic premise of cognitive/behavioral psychology,
that our feelings and behaviors are largely caused by our own
thoughts. This is oversimplified, because there are many
feedback loops that make the connection between thoughts,
feelings and behaviors sort of like a chicken and egg
problem. But the simple version of the cognitive theory is
that peaceful thoughts cause relaxation and stressful
thoughts cause stress.
In other words, the reason we get stressed
out is not what is happening to us and not what happened in
the past (at least not directly), but rather, how we are
thinking about what is happening. Past experience does
influence us strongly, but the medium of that influence is
beliefs or thoughts. For example, if you were abused as a
child, you might have developed the belief that you are
worthless. It is this belief today that is making you feel
depressed, not the fact of the abuse itself. This is a really
neat, powerful idea because it means we can overcome the bad
experiences of the past. It means we have power over
ourselves, so we don't have to be victims of the past or of
present circumstances!
The best way to manage stress is to learn
to change anxiety to concern. Concern means you are motivated
to take care of real problems in your life, but your danger
alarm system is not erroneously activated. Changing your
feelings is largely a matter of learning to identify and
change the upsetting thoughts that are the immediate and
proximate cause of upset emotions.
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