Stress Question and
Answer
Q. I am very stressed because of my
wife's disablity which she looses her voice sometimes for
weeks. EKG are negitive and asocial worker thinks it could be
linked to pent up anger and others just don't know. I can't
get a day off because I am looked apon as the rock the pilar
of strength. I don't know how long I can deal with this until
I
counld blow a cork. The stress is 24 hour a day 7 days a
week. I drive Metro Transit bus in Seattle which is a
stressfull job. Can you advise me how to go about dealing
with the problem and reducing the constant stress
A. Sorry to hear about your difficulties. I
can't diagnose based on what you have told me, but it sounds
like it might be worth having your wife see a psychologist to
rule out a psychological basis for her condition. There are
tests that any licensed psychologist can administer to
establish such a diagnosis. If so, she can learn to get over
it with psychotherapy. In the meanwhile, I know it is
difficult for you too and I think I can understand the
pressure you are under. However, there are things you can do
to reduce the stress you are experiencing about her problems.
First off, many people find it helpful to differentiate
between pressure, which is what is happening to you, and
stress, which is how you are reacting to that pressure. If
you read the anxiety section of my site at
http://www.cyberpsych.com/stress.html, you will find that
stress is a "false alarm" that you can learn to turn off. I
understand that you feel that your stress is constant, but it
probably isn't. One thing that might be helpful is to keep a
log for a few days of how stressed you are, like on a one to
ten scale. I suspect what you will find is that there are
times when it is higher and times when it is lower. That will
help you see that it can change. Then work at the self-help
tools for reducing stress, like the reality check, coping
statements and exchange vocabulary. Try some of the suggested
readings listed at my site. You might also want to consider
getting some short term counseling to help you over this
rough spot in your life. See the section on finding a
therapist at my site (http://www.cyberpsych.com/therapist.html).
Hope this helped and feel free to write back to me. Thanks
again and take care.
Q. What is the easiest way to overcome
an OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder)? I know a lady
suffering from one for over ten years and professional help
is not the answer. I am new to understanding the concept of
an OCD, but would like to more about how and why they exist
and what is necessary to overcome it. Thanks
A. OCD is a type of anxiety disorder
characterized by excessive worry (obsession) or repetitive
acts like washing hands over and over (compulsions). The
obsessions or compulsions temporarily reduce anxiety, so the
key to getting over such problems is to learn other ways of
reducing anxiety. There are also medications that can help,
but I think the most important thing is to learn how to
manage one's feelings. Check out the anxiety section of my
site, including the Q& A about stress and anxiety.
Ultimately, it is a matter of the individual deciding to
learn the skills and then working at it. I don't know of any
easy way to overcome OCD, but with work and practice, most
people can overcome or reduce this debilitating and
distressing condition. You didn't say why professional help
is not the answer, but it may be that your friend has not had
the right kind of professional help for her. Check out the
finding a therapist section of my site. Also look at the
suggested readings. In addition, another book specifically on
OCD is "STOP Obsessing" by Edna Foa and Reid Wilson. Thanks
for writing and good luck to your friend.
Q. I'm a 23 year old female, looking for
some kind of help. In the past two years, I have been feeling
very nervous for no reason. Everything started after the
death of my grandfather in December 1994. I used to be a very
normal teenager, who will never get nervous for no reason.
Since this happen, I first started with fast heart beats,
then I was not able to breath, all this used to happen to me
especially at night. Lately, I have this feeling of anxiety
inside me that it is very hard to describe, but at times I
feel worhtless. I used to go to a Psychologist who prescribed
me Paxil, and I took it for 3 months. Then, I decided to
leave it because I realized that this problem was a fear to
something which I do not exactly what is causing it, and I
needed to fight it myself. However, eventhough I try to
control my anxiety most of the time by using different
methods, almost every night I get this awful feeling, which I
can hardly breath and in addition I feel a pressure inside me
that is I can't control. I also lately, everytime hear
anybody have died from an illness or an accident, I stay with
that thought for days. I have realized that I have a big fear
to death. I can not even go to any funeral because I get very
nervous. Please advise me what you think is happening to me.
Am I hypocandriac or I'm just have a trauma with death?
A. Thanks for writing. I know who
frightening anxiety can be, but fortunately, there is a lot
you can do to get over it. I think you are right about
learning how to deal with it yourself, although medications
can be a useful tool. It sounds like there are two main
components to your anxiety. First, you apparently are anxious
about death, which is understandable both in terms of your
grandfather's death and the fact that we all face death
eventually. The second issue seems to be feeling anxious
about your anxiety. That might sound funny, but it is very
common that people get uptight about being uptight, like when
your heart starts racing and so on. That creates a loop, like
pouring gas on a fire. One thing you can do to prevent this
feedback loop is to accept being anxious as uncomfortable,
but not unbearable. You might ask yourself how unpleasant it
is, like on a one to ten scale where ten is being boiled
alive in oil. How long will it last? Being anxious can be
harmful over the long run, but the worst that can happen is
that you might faint or something if you got in a real panic.
The more you can acknowledge that if you are anxious, you are
anxious and it is not awful, just undesirable, the less you
anxiety will escalate. You might also try doing some deep
breathing and relaxing exercises, like picturing a peaceful
place in your mind. Check out the anxiety section of my site
(http://www.cyberpsych.com/stress.html
) nd the anxiety question and answer section. Also, look
at the suggested readings. You might try writing out whatever
thoughts are going through your mind when you get anxious,
then examine them to see if they make sense or not. Also,
check out the various self-help tools at my site (http://www.cyberpsych.com/tools.html).
If all that doesn't help, try another doctor who will do
cognitive behavioral therapy with you (see the finding a
therapist section at my site). Thanks again and hope this
helped. Take care.
Q. I have ben on Tofanil and Xanax for
about 5 years. I do breathing and relaxation excercise that
my phycolatrist (sic) has taught me. I take 150 m of tofanil
and 3 1m xanax a day. Lately I have been having more panic
attacks lately then I'v had in a long time. I can't control
them as much as was. I am staying close to home, I'm afraid
I'll have one driving the car or sometime. Do I need to take
different medicine, increase my medicine or what.
A. You might talk to your doctor
about the medicine, but I think the most important thing for
you is to learn emotional self-management skills. If you only
take medications, you will probably need stronger doses and
may have to stay on them longer. Check out the anxiety
section of my site for more information and specific tools
for self-management. By the way, panic usually has an element
of being afraid of your fear, which creates a feedback loop
that makes it worse, like pouring gas on a fire. The more you
can accept that anxiety, while unpleasant, is not the end of
the world, the less likely that it will develop into panic.
Just to give you some hope, I have been working with a lady
who suffered from severe agorophobia and panic for over 40
years and tried many different kinds of medicines. After a
few months of cognitive-behavioral therapy, she is largely
over her fears. For all the therapy she has had, she said
nobody ever really showed her specific methods for dealing
with her anxiety. You might also want to check out the
suggested readings and the finding a therapist section. Your
doctor might be able to refer you to a cognitive-behavioral
therapist.
Q. I was wondering what the psych term
is for people that pull their hair out? Also what causes this
condition and how is it treated? I think I know someone with
this.
A. The term for this is
Trichotillomania. To be a diagnosible problem, it has to be
recurrent and result in noticable hair loss. It also is
associated with tension before hair pulling or when trying to
resist the behavior as well as pleasure or relief when
pulling out hair. There may be other conditions which could
lead to hair pulling that must also be ruled out before a
diagnosis can be made. Finally, the behavior has to cause
significant impairment of functioning or emotional distress.
Psychotropic medications can help this condition as well as
psychotherapy. As you know if you have explored my site, I
favor cognitive-behavioral forms of therapy. These can be
helpful with hair pulling, but so can other forms of
counseling. As usual, I recommend that you encourage this
person to seek help. Thanks for the question and I hope this
helped.
Q. Hi, this is probablly the dumbest
problem you will ever hear. I have this problem, when I feel
nervous or am stressed out I tend to pull my hair out of my
head. It is so terrible, I can't find a way to stop. Lately
it has been happening more and more, it as if I can't stop.
A. Believe it or not, I have gotten quite a
few questions about hair pulling, or Trichotillomania. This
is not as uncommon as one might think. One study showed 1% to
2% of college students had this condition. In children, hair
pulling may often just be a passing habit, so it is a good
idea not to make too big a deal out of it unless it is quite
persistent. In adults, it is more common in women than men,
which may just mean that women are more likely to admit it
and seek help. Many people will pull their hair during times
of stress or frustration and we even describe something as
frustrating enough to pull your hair out. When it gets to be
a habitual pattern, there is usually an element or relief and
pleasure associated with the hair pulling. This suggests that
hair pulling can become an addictive behavior, a "drug of
choice", in effect. Fortunately, this condition can be
treated. It is important, of course, to get professional help
(see the Finding a Therapist section). Many methods that work
with other addictive behaviors can help, like recognizing and
resisting the urge and learning better ways of relieving
stress and frustration (see the Addictive Behaviors section).
It is also important to deal with the shame or embarrassment
that often accompanies this condition. For some people,
medications can prove beneficial. Thanks for your question
and take care.
Q. Hi,how are you,i'm alright i guess,
well not really-i can't sleep. I am a 22 year old male who's
experienced a lot of anxiety. I'm new to the internet,i'm
glad there is some help out there.However,i am not at all new
with knowledge of anxiety and anxiety disorders.For the past
two years i have been extremly anxious , i have had panic
attacks,but didn't develop panic attack disorder. I have seen
a psychologist a few times actually and he said that i have
Generalized Anxiety Disorder,have you ever heard of this type
before?I know my problems,majority of them anyway come from
my childhood.And i guess i just wonder about so many things
and i obsess about so many things that don't make sense,for
ex;that people don't like to much.Now i know this is not true
but i still obsess about it and it's making my being able to
work and doing my work correctly difficult. I'm always
anxious and i'm always rushing i guess. It's hard because
these thoughts kind of cloud my judgement,and don't make my
problems clear so that i can attack them directly. I'm pretty
sure i have a low self-esteem,i have had problems for a very
long time.It just seems like a mixture of things that affect
me getting better.I have started taking medication a year and
a half ago;Buospar,then i was prescribed Luvox,then i moved
on to antidepressents,Chlomipramine,Zoloft, and now Paxil. I
have been on Paxil for about 3 months, it seems to be working
little by little think you can tell me how long is long
enough to know you've been on a medication to know that it's
produced it's maximum affect,does this make any sense?I guess
i just have a series of emotions inside me and i just would
like to get better.I have been seeing a local Social Worker
in town just for some support, i like her but i don't
know.Also i went to a group that discusses Panic Attacks but
it doesn 't seem to help.I guess all i would really like if
you can help me or if you would simply know of any doctors in
Canada online of anything.I'm sorry i'm just kind of in a
rush to write everything down,and i'm hoping this all makes
sense. Anyway,i always try to find other people on the net
who have similar problems to talk to-just to talk to.Do you
know of chatlines or personal people who would just like to
talk about this subject, or anything like that? I think it
would be beneficial that's all i'm really inquiring about.
A. Thanks for your letter and sorry
to hear about your anxiety. I am quite familiar with
generalized anxiety disorders because that is a rather common
problem seen in a psychology practice. The good news is that
there are many things you can do to reduce or eliminate your
anxiety (and depression). Medications can certainly help, but
I think it is very important to learn how to manage your
emotions. If you haven't already, please read the section at
my site about anxiety. It will explain my "false alarm"
concept of anxiety and give you a number of specific
techniques you can start using right away. Also, check out
the suggested readings for additional information on how to
manage your feelings. You may also want to examine the
section on picking a therapist. There are many different
approaches to therapy. The kind I primarily use is called
cognitive-behavioral, which is often quite effective for
treating anxiety. I'm sure you had some unfortunate
experiences growing up, but that doesn't mean you have to
continue being affected by your past. The past only
influences us to the extent that we allow it to. Try my
"Reality Check", "Coping Statements" and "Exchange
Vocabulary". You can access these under the anxiety section
or under the "self-help tools". With some effort and
practice, you may well be able to substantially reduce or
eliminate the anxiety you have been suffering. Good luck and
let me know how you are doing.
Q. I am 99% confirmed having Irritable
Bowel Syndrome since 9 years ago.Whenever I am having
personal problems/anxiety the problem get worse. Could you
please offer me some psychological advice and medication (may
be) to reduce/eliminate the syndrome ?
A. I imagine that IBT must be very
distressing for you. I can't really help as far as
medication, but I think I can help with the psychological
advice. You mentioned that your IBS gets worse when you get
anxious or upset, so one way to reduce it is to learn how to
not let problems get you needlessly upset. That's what my
site is all about. Read the section on stress and anxiety as
well as trying some of the self-help tools. You might want to
get the book "How to Keep People From Pushing Your Buttons"
by Albert Ellis listed in the suggested readings. If
self-help is not enough, check out the "finding a therapist"
section of my site. Thanks for writing and good luck.
Q. HI SARM. I HAVE A PROBLEM. I AM A
PERSON WHO DIDN'T EAT THAT MUCH MEAT IN 1MONTH, BECAUSE I WAS
SCARED OF CHOKING. I GOT BETTER AND BETTER BUT NOW I GETTING
BACK TO BEING SCARED OF CHOKING. I HAVE A COUPLE OF
QUESTIONS. SHOULD I BE SCARED OF CHOKING?PLEASE TELL ME HOW
PEOPLE CHOKE?AND HOW DO I PREVENT MYSELF FROM CHOKING?ALSO
WHERE DOES THE OBJECT GET STUCK WHEN YOU CHOKE? PLEASE WRITE
BACK-
A. Thanks for writing. Your anxiety about
choking sounds like it is quite frightening for you. Do you
tend to worry a lot about things generally, or is this a
rather specific fear? Did something happen that triggered
this fear? Regardless, I suspect it is a "false alarm".
Certainly, it is wise to be concerned about the possibility
of choking, at least enough to take reasonable precautions.
However, feeling anxious, while understandable, is probably
not healthy. The issue here is that it is certainly possible
to choke, but it is quite unlikely. I am not familiar with
the details of how and why people choke. I suppose the most
important thing is to take reasonably small bites and chew
well. It is also good to learn the Hymlick maneuver (I'm not
sure of the spelling}, the standard emergency procedure for
choking. However, once you have done such things, worrying
about it further doesn't do any good. You might want to check
out some of the self-help tools at my site under "anxiety"
and the suggested readings. If those are not enough, it might
be useful to get some counseling (see the "finding a
therapist" section of my site. It is good to learn how to
reduce the likelihood of choking, but it would also be
helpful for you to learn how to not get yourself needless
uptight about the dangers of life. I feel confident that if
you work on it, you can learn to stop obsessing about this,
while still having appropriate concern. Let me know how it
goes. Thanks again.
Q. I am twenty years old and I could use
some help. I have come to a conclusion that I am a
hypocondriac. Almost every time that I get sick my nerves
cause me to get sick for days or weeks after. I recall being
like this most of my life. I dont know why I do this but I
dont know how to control it. I feel helpless and trapped
within myself. Do you understand or maybe could you give me
your opinion? Please any comments would help and be greatly
appreciated.
A. From what you have described, it sounds
as though you may be a hypochondriac. This is basically an
anxiety disorder in which your fears are centered around
health issues. You might want to review and practice the
methods on my CyberPsychologist web site under
anxiety/stress. The basic idea is that you are probably
thinking scary thoughts, like that you have some serious
illness. Of course, that could be true, but it probably
isn't. Furthermore, worrying about it doesn't do any good.
Getting over this problem is a matter of coming to terms with
the reality that bad things, including illness can happen,
but that we can enjoy life and health while we have it. If
illness does happen, we can cope with that too, although it
can kill us. Fortunately, nowadays there are few illness that
can't be treated or controlled. Also, there is a lot you can
do to protect your health - like eat healthy, exercise, see
your doctor for regular checkups, don't smoke or drink, drive
carefully and use a seat belt and so on. Once you have taken
these precautions, you might as well let it go and enjoy the
health you have. You can also come to trust your body and
it's natural defenses. Ultimately, what you are probably
after is an absolute guarantee that something bad won't
happen to you. You probably think if you worry enough, that
will give you the guarantee. However, once you realize there
is no such guarantee, it will help you get over worrying
about your health, while still being concerned enough to take
care of yourself. In addition to trying the exercises on my
site, I would encourage you to read some of the materials
listed in the suggested readings. It would also be a good
idea for you to get some counseling to help you overcome this
problem. See the "therapy for people who don't believe in
therapy" section. Thanks for the question and good luck. With
some work, you can most likely get over this problem or at
least reduce it substantially.
Q. I am 27 female. I am married + 1
child. My life seems to be controlled by fear. I am
constantly afraid that something might go wrong. That is, in
my marriage, my work place, with our health, etc. My
background is averagely normal, I don't suffer of anything.
When I was about 18 I was told by my mother (who reads
fortune), that my husband will die, and so will my one child
by bicycle accident, does that effect me uncousciously (conciosly
it does), how can I live normaly without fear?
A. Living with such fear is certainly no
fun. This is what I call a "false alarm" because your "danger
alarm" is inappropriately activated. If you feel fear and
observe that there is no immediate danger, it is easy to
understand how you might jump to the (false) conclusion that
your fear arises from something that might happen. This leads
to the kind of excessive worrying you are describing. The
problem here is two things. First, the things you worry about
are unlikely, although possible. Of all the things you have
every worried about, how many have come true? There are many,
many things you don't worry about that could happen, like
being struck by a comet or being attacked by a band of wild
toy poodles. You probably don't worry about the former
because there is nothing you can do about it and the latter
because it is so unlikely. But your worries are probably not
that much different for these examples. The other point is
that worrying doesn't stop anything bad from happening. It is
just stewing, not doing. Worrying about something doesn't
keep it from happening, although often people believe such a
magical quality to worry. You might also equate worrying with
caring, so if you didn't worry you might think bad things
will happen or that you are an uncaring person. I'm sure your
mother's predictions probably contributed to your worries,
but it is your own beliefs now that cause the worry. In
effect, you seem to want an ironclad guarantee that nothing
bad will happen to you and your family. If you are waiting
for that to feel unafraid, you will have a long wait. The
universe is an intrinsically dangerous and unpredictable
place. The trick is to learn to be be alert for real danger
enough to take reasonable precautions, but then to relax and
enjoy yourself while you can. If something bad happens, you
can deal with it then. In the meanwhile, it is a great relief
to live from from unrealistic fears. Check out the stress and
anxiety section of my site and practice some of those
methods. Also check out the suggested readings. If you want a
more detained, private answer, check out the "Ask the Doctor"
section. Also check out the "Therapy for People Who Don't
Believe in Therapy" section. With some work, you can learn to
be largely free from unrealistic fear. Good luck.
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